David Kelsen

Category: Daily Journal

  • Ouch Again

    She left again

    My highest high, my lowest low

    again

    wanted her so bad

    wanted her so much

    Can’t believe I held her in my arms again, then let her slip away

    Kissed her delicious lips again,

    Then screwed it up again

    I can’t believe I screwed it up again

    Can’t move, can’t think, can’t speak

    Don’t want to do anything

    Don’t want to go anywhere

    My heart hurts

    There’s a hole larger than sadness crying into it

    Rivulets of tears soaking me in sorrow and regret

    A future that no longer exists

    My dream a mirror thrown against the wall and shattering on the floor

    Stepping on jagged shards, cutting my feet, bleeding

    Still bleeding, days of bleeding, gallons of blood

    Wounds don’t heal, pain doesn’t stop

    Echos of wailing against the hills

    Gentle tremors from teardrops falling vibrate through my injured soul

    Wishing today was a week ago, to get another chance

    Another chance

    I had another chance

    I blew it

    again

    Dave and Heather

  • Watching your mom die

    Slowly the secretions are filling her mouth as her pulse slightly fades

    A tear trickles jaggedly down septuagenarian face crevices.

    First a drop, then a drop, then the faintest stream.

    Breath inconsistently consistent for days

    Position, disposition, unchanged 31 hours

    Sub-Acute Stroke, a tiny smudge on an MRI, destroyed my mom

    Unable to conjugate CO2, brain under attack

    Thinking, thinking, no thinking, no, don’t know

    No food, no water, no meds, no movement, 72 hours

    Breathing, just breath

    And a heart that won’t stop beating.

    Unstoppable heart.

    beeps, buzzing, motorized transports, chatter, laughing, rubber souled shoes on shiny vinyl tile

    A needle

    Pain management, comfort care pathway

    A doctor shrugging shoulders

    Her smile and knowing look relegated to memory

    And memories…flood

    Her energy and brilliance, dimmed…but only in the physical sense, because her star continues to shine in the thousands of souls she has touched, and improved (BTW)

    The sun sets, a soul rises, music is playing somewhere, and it’s better because she was here.

  • You and You Don’t Know (Neither Do I) – 001

    one draft will not suffice

    1st draft

    immediate attraction.

    immediate engagement.

    first night passionate kisses

    first night embrace 

    first night naked

    first night all night

    We established names at dawn, bumping phones.

    Our engagement continued

    beautiful, intelligent, wily, impish, wise, independent, strong

    my interpretation of you

    bars, theater, sunset, music, caresses, kisses, blue men

    us 

    u r not ready for me yet.

    career path woman identified a bump in the prosperity road and dispelled.  

    BUT

    your natural trajectory of kissing aims at my lips

    half way to destination your mind kicks in and diverts to cheek

    i see it every time

    thank u 

  • Blood.

    Infected blood.

    You don’t understand how much I love you,

    How could you,

    You don’t understand what’s going on around you,

    Probably on a subconscious level…maybe….probably

    Like to believe that anyway.

    Saw anger and hurt in your eyes today.

    Floored me.

    Stopped me.

    Angered me. (ask me why)

    If you were able to look into my heart,

    Without your current lens prescription,

    That would be nice.

    Just want to spend time with you.

    Without filters

    Without influence

    Just us

    Being us

    .

  • You’re Gonna Break My Heart

    [vimeo width=”640″ height=”424″]http://vimeo.com/30695776[/vimeo]

    I’ve got a feeling you’re gonna break my heart
    But that’s okay girl, because I love this part
    Today I hold you, until the sun comes up
    Today I kiss you…..

    The day is coming, you’re gonna let me go
    Won’t verbalize it, but honey I will know
    Today I hold you, until the sun comes up
    Today I kiss you….

     Wrote, recorded and shot video of this song in one day (made minor video editing adjustments another day). 

    Sometimes inspiration takes days, weeks or months to cultivate.  Sometimes it hits you all in one day.

  • My Mom And Lady GaGa

    Didn’t See Any Musically Redeeming Qualities…

    Lady Ga-Ga Meat DressSo many acts come out with financial backing that have little or no talent, products of some producer’s wet dream. Or maybe an extortion of some kind, affairs, drugs, idiocy..anyway.

    The first item I took exception to with Lady Ga-Ga was the name, which kind of goes against my nature, because outlandish names can be fun, but it just seemed so obvious. 

    Secondly, the overt Madonna and Bowie borrowings bothered me. Controversy for the sake of controversy has so little merit. If there is meaning behind the expression beyond just getting attention, or if your personality demands you react or respond a certain way which is representative of your personality and beliefs, than so be it. 

    But if the effort is merely to make you look rad, than it means nothing and will be forgotten.

    I basically dismissed Lady Ga-Ga on a first impression basis. My own subjective, prejudicial first impression. I try not to always be that lame, but it happens.

    So Larry, my hair guy, who was a high school football teammate of mine, said he liked Lady Ga-Ga. Larry and I had spent one intense summer building ourselves up for our sophomore football season. We both had intense family issues we were dealing with and ended up developing our own weight-training program (we called them super-sets) and on the days we weren’t lifting, we were running.  We worked out every day. 

    In typical “me” fashion, I mentally dismissed his Lady Ga-Ga leanings (although I respect anything he has to say, as a rule).

    At this point, it’s important to note that the “meat dress” got my attention. In truth, I loved it. But equally important, I still hadn’t accepted her as an authentic musical artist. I didn’t think I’d heard anything to convince me of any real talent.

    So tonight (092511), I’m nonchalantly doing next to nothing, and my mom, who toured with Benny Goodman, on a tour that included Peggy Lee, Ella Fitzgerald, Andre Previn, Lionel Hampton, Scotty LaFaro, the Hi-Lo’s and other Jazz greats says: 

    Lady Ga-Ga is a good singer…

    Huh??

    I pointedly ask, “You like her?”

    Keep in mind that in our family, you don’t have to personally like someone’s style of music to respect them as a musician. But If my mom says someone’s good…then they’re good. period.

    Age can jade us at times.  As we “mature” we have a tendency to get “set in our ways”. Try not to get caught up in it, because it will surely limit you.  My 72 year-old, kick-your-ass singer mom likes Lady Ga-Ga, and today, so do I.

    Meat Dress, Damn, wish I would’ve thought’ve that….

  • Rainy Days

    I always think of you on gloomy saturday mornings,
    rainy days in bed we didn’t share.

    I wonder how you are today?
    Do I ever cross your mind?

    Promises were made in haste,
    atop fictitious clouds,
    dreamt aloud then quickly dissipate.

    just another dreary day,
    the air is damp the light is gray,
    A wish decayed or is it just delayed?

  • Major Rager

    “Major Rager”

    Webster’s dictionary doesn’t have a definition for “Major Rager”.

    Superfluous.

    [galleryview id=3]

    Throw-away line. You should never use the first thing you think of, unless of course it’s really good.

  • truth

    Blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy, intelligent children.

    wrote that line and couldn’t think of anything more important.

    period.